December 2005

I am pleased to start this month of feeling well and able, so off to my long awaited appointment with my Nutritional Specialist in London to touch-base regarding my on going weight reduction and improved health.
I have missed the last few appointments due to the reoccurrence of the Cellulites infection that keep's trying to knock me backwards and this upsets me greatly.
My concerns are increasingly mounting as I step on the scales and find I have gained 1lb.
Whilst I am the first to advocate that it's really not about the number on the scale and never has been, and more important regarding the way you feel and look as this whole thing is about improved health and not numbers.
I must still admit to you this appointment visit has simply just added to my growing concerns and anguish over my continued swelling.

I head back home as need to make good time to another appointment with my GP.
Clearly no rest for me..........
Following my consultation with my GP who is always very understanding and supportive I felt this time around rather lonely and on my own with this concern over the swelling.

You must by now know that I'm not a woman whom can just sit back and wait as my health is being challenged.
I need to be holding the wheel and driving this to greater accomplishments.

All I feel I'm fighting for hear is MY HEALTH.

On leaving my Doctors office I was passed a name and number of a lady whom is a Manual Lymphatic Drainage Therapist...
I immediately drove home and called her.
She came across very informed and knowledgeable and I just new I felt I had nothing to loose at this point and made arrangements to go see her ASAP!
I owed this to myself at least.
So I booked in immediately for the very next day the 2nd December at 1pm.
I new that this visit felt right, the appointment to begin with was made available to me due to a cancellation and this to me was a sign.

I felt relieved as I was moving this new health challenge finally forward.....

The consultation was long however extremely informative and I left feeling allot more positive and clearer over what was happening to my body but more importantly what I now needed to do to turn this health scare around.
I remember joking with the Lymphadeama Therapist that it was day light when I arrived and knocked on her front door and on leaving it was night fall and darkness all around.
To me though I felt like a shining light was all around as I now felt empowered to actually why my body was holding onto the excess fluid build up and the reasons for the reoccurrence of the bacterial Infection Cellulites that had been attacking my poor body every month.
I felt I could once again see light at the end if my long tunnel and greater hope towards reaching my finish line again.

I have never really doubted my ability to reach my finish line but I don't mind sharing with you I sure have been questioning it lately........................

Today is December 7th and I'm on my way to see my nurse again.
Throughout the last few months since I have had the infection keep flaring up it has become vitally important that my skin is checked as the infection does have the power and strength to break down skin tissue. I am keeping a close eye on all my scar-lines as these are weaker areas and it's where the horrible infection always goes.
I'm pleased to report that all is well.

December 13th and a great phone call received from a friend in America.
I want to thank everyone for all there love and support.
This isn't easy at the moment and my family, friends and professional bodies I'm sure are all feeling the struggles with me so I just really want to say a BIG THANKS to you all again for walking by my side and constantly reminding me that I WILL over come, not alone and I am STRONG!

Sometimes is hard for a person to keep focused and you must always believe and keep visualising your final goal and picture in your head what you will look like when you reach that finish line!

Always believe in your dreams and never give-up is my message to myself and everyone!
If anything is worth fighting for than it's worth continuing with. Right!

December 14th and I'm very excited to be off to see my Cosmetic Dentist again in London.
Some final touch-up work to my Hollywood Smile.
I am feeling much stronger and head off to my friend Debra to do her nails and have a nice girly night.
We enjoyed our pampering and the nails looked great too, red polish with silver stars.
This is well suited as Debra is a true star in my book!

December 17th and a visit from my good friend Vicki.
A great opportunity to exchange Christmas gifts and show off my new SMILE! :-)

Most of this month has seen allot of exchange between my Doctor, nurse and Lymphadeama Therapist.
Establishing the what, when and how's to the correct treatment plan that my body requires.
I am finding this extremely stressful and another huge delay on my journey of Body Transformation.
Although I have realised that this has now become part of my journey and I must embrace this with the same fight, passion and positively as everything else.

December 20th and another touch-base with my GP and another polish to Deb's nails!!! You go girl!

I'm feeling somewhat concerned as hoped to have my treatment plan sorted before Christmas.
I'm still waiting for test results and paperwork to get sorted out.
Today is the 22nd December and I try to remove myself from the pressures of how I'm feeling I have decided to visit my friend Paula and exchange further Christmas gifts.............
Paula is another fantastic buddy to me and I want to highlight my THANKS to her.

In more attempts to keep my spirits high I decide to go and have a lovely Pedicure and pamper to relax!

December 25th
HAPPY AND HEALTHY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL.

I hope like I, if your working at reducing your weight and improving your over all health that you managed like I to keep your belt tied real tight over the festive period????

December 29th and lunch over with my friend Linda.
Today I'm feeling somewhat unwell but I am pushing myself as don't want my health issues to take over............
December 30th and dinner with friends Mae and Pauline.
December 31st and I have spent most of the day in bed.
I am aware I have been pushing over the last few days I'm just preserving my energy for tonight!
Well that's my excuse. Ha, ha, ha............

HAPPY HEALTHY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!

So now all our diets begin!
Go on you know your gym membership needs using again - ENJOY you know it makes perfect sense......
GOOD LUCK!
Would love to hear how your all doing with your weight and health improvements.
Please feel free to E-Mail me as I would love to know how you are doing too.....................

I wish you all success and for you all to reach your own goals.

''Attitude is success and what your mind believes your body will achieve..............
Always believe and follow your dreams!''

Hope your dreams are fulfilled in 2006!
Best wishes for 2006.........

 

November 2005
 
The start of this month finds me re-grouped and ready to face my Plastic Surgeon again after my appointment yesterday.
Today is the 1st November and I'm heading to my appointment later this afternoon.
I feel good at the moment as have spent the morning in the Gym at the apartment complex. Been working out a little more, this helps to keep my focus and feel confident to see my Surgeon again later.
Spent the lunch time with friends but didn't eat anything as feel too anxious and yet also excited to see my Surgeon again.

I felt very concerned to begin with regarding having to go back but as the evening passed and as this morning has moved forward I actually feel, what will be will be.
I know in my heart I've done everything I possible can and I'll just have to see how things turn out.
I feel on edge as I have areas of concern with my legs following surgery and at this point I just want to know that some touch-up corrective surgery is possible and will solve the concerns I'm living with!
I feel very sad with the thought of requiring additional surgery to both my legs and truly don't want to deal with it but the concerns I'm living with have daily physical consequences on me and not just a cosmetic issue!
For these reasons it has become necessary to correct the problem as unable to live in constant discomfort as a result.

Once again I am happy to express all my concerns with Dr Joseph Capella, I find him a wonderful surgeon and am able to trust and talk with him.
This is always a very important quality when searching for a Plastic Surgeon!
The main point that came out of my appointment is that corrective surgery is needed and shared concerns regarding my excessive swelling post-operatively.
This is the swelling and fluid retention that I am concerned with and having tests for....???
As the swelling my poor body is experiencing is more than just due to surgery!
Following my appointment I returned back to my apartment as didn't feel much like shopping!!!
Guess I've done enough shopping for now, huh!
Felt really overloaded with all that had been discussed in my appointment and I needed to look at the best way forward from this point.

All I remember feeling was disappointment as further corrective surgery to both my legs was clearly going to mean another delay to my breast lift and reduction!..........
I understood this, don't like it much but now I need to sort my legs first.
This isn't a question, more my priority in the present.
I just wished this could be different but I just have to absorb the new direction my journey is about to take and stay focused and positive.
I have been very positive and clear with my direction and never doubted my ability so felt sure that I was going to continue to make the right decisions eventually as I feel I always have, thank GOD so far on my journey of improved health and all over body transformation.
My last few days in New York were allot slower than in the beginning.
Suddenly everything felt very tense and serious again.
I returned home, my flight was enjoyable just remember sitting on the plane with everything going around in my head.

I naturally felt some what disappointed with what this now meant to me, but I also know that I've got to do what ever I have to that helps move me further forward to reach my finish line.
Keep telling myself ''Just bite the bullet and rock-n-roll!''
And I did feel an overall feeling of relief. At least I know now what I need to do.
Friday 4th November and I've arrived back in the UK. It's good to be home as feel physically and mentally exhausted.
Monday 7th November I find myself with appointments with both my GP and my nurse just to check on scar-lines and to ensure all was Ok and it was nice to up-date my GP and Nurse regarding my follow-up with my Surgeon in New York.

As I have expressed before my GP and Nurse are a great team to have on the side lines as they are always there when I need them and I am thankful to them for there continued support and belief in me.
Thanks guys.........
Wednesday 9th November and a great up-date with the TV crew.
They are all happy I returned in one piece and I've got news for them............ So am I..........
November 11th and I'm so excited to be going to my Harley Street Cosmetic Dentist for treatment.
I always promised myself that once I reach my finish line I would reward myself with a Hollywood Smile!
Due to the trauma and added struggles I'm experiencing I feel the time is right to bring my reward of my Hollywood Smile forward. I guess I kind of feel like I'm cheating as did promise myself this would be at the end of my journey, but hey!
I need this now as am sure it will lift my spirits and put wind back into my sail..........
The news regarding my corrective surgery required to both legs has knocked me and I recognise the importance to do what ever it takes to keep strong.
Well that's my excuse... ha, ha, ha
So today the 11th November is the start of my treat for Cosmetic Dentistry and I'm very excited to be giving my mouth a Hollywood make over!

SMILE!

After a few days rest I am now heading to see my London Plastic Surgeon Dr Alex Karidis.
Today is November 14th and I'm pleased to be seeing Dr Karidis again, with the TV Camera Crew in tow.......
I want to express how wonderful Dr Karidis is and as I have mentioned before trust and comfort is most important when appointing a Plastic Surgeon to carry out any kind of Cosmetic work and Dr Karidis whom has carried out a few of my surgeries is a wonderful individual.
And remember guy's we only have one body we live in for our whole life!
His care, understanding and patience go along way and give you confidence.
Dr Karidis also does real neat work and is also a shining light for me on my long journey.
One of my Guardian Angels........

A big thanks Alex to you and your team for all your ongoing support and help you show me.
I couldn't do this without you on my side!
Following my appointment with Dr Alex Karidis I felt a little happier regarding my area's that are concerning me and require corrective, touch-up surgery. Dr Karidis also expressed the same concerns as I have over the swelling and fluid retention.
I do feel a little less stressed as Dr Alex Karidis has explained to me that the corrective surgery is something that he would be able and be prepared to carry out for me.
If this is the best decision for my body than it will save another long trip back to America and I would have 100% faith in Dr Karidis if this is the decision I make.
Still feel unsure at this time and not in a position to make my decision yet!
November 16th and after one day to absorb everything I am now heading to another appointment to see another Plastic Surgeon.

I know in my heart that as with all my choices and decisions I can not rush into anything and must make the right decisions.
I've come this far and regardless of the delay I now find myself in, I must make the correct decision and again I feel the stress of finding what the right choice is?
My mum always tells me ''you always do the right thing and your father and I are very proud of you.
Just continue to go on your instincts.
As it's served you very well this far and we are confident in you and it won't let you down now!''
Following another very informative appointment I returned home feeling very mentally drained.
However also feeling very upbeat as the view I was given from the other Plastic Surgeon was the same as I was being informed from my other Surgeons so this gives me allot of faith..............
I sadly awoke after a very bad night of pain and little sleep to discover I had another attack of the bacterial infection Cellulites. This time the infection is around my Body Lift scar-line and is so very painful and I'm finding it hard to move.

Once again I find myself on another two week course of the strongest anti-biotic. This reoccurrence of this infection really makes me sad. The infection is hard to handle and makes me feel so sick and drains my energy I find myself confined to my apartment and in bed.
A place I don't like to be unless I'm post-op!!!!
Today the 23rd November I have an appointment with my nurse as I feel I need to explore allot deeper to the reasons why I keep getting the infection.
The 25th November I am struggling but dragged myself to Harley Street in London to my Cosmetic dentist Mark Hughes to have my preparation work done for my veneers. Don't really feel up to it but want to complete my Hollywood Smile ready for Christmas so this is what's pushing me on.
Have missed my last few appointments with my Nutritional Specialist due to illness with the infection.
Wednesday 30th November today and it's lovely to feel up to having lunch with my two friends Linda and Lorraine.
This ended my month of November on a high, and has helped put the smile back on my face!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY LINDA.
 

October 2005

All I really can think about at the moment are my pending results from my Ultra-Sound last month.
I'm feeling rather anxious in general as my swelling continues regardless of my attempt with diet and exercise and I'm still very tied following my infection.
Still I'm pushing and trying real hard to get back into my daily stride

Today the 3rd October and my friend Vicki is visiting me and we are going to have lunch. This will be nice as I haven't seen Vicki in a while and my friends are very important to me.
Without the love and continues support from my family and friends this would not be possible in my eye's.
So another big THANKS goes out to you all for hanging in when the going gets tough.
Thanks Guys
This month is very important to me as I am flying back to New York for my six monthly check-up with my Surgeon Dr Joseph Capella. 
I feel excited about this and equally apprehensive to what the out come will be?
I'm feeling reluctant to make the trip as I feel tied and exhausted with everything that's been happening. But I know I must push myself now more than ever.

So before my big trip I have arranged a visit to my friend and beautician, Lucy. I want to be pampered before my trip and my good friend Dawn is coming with me so it's a girly thing!!!

Today the 12th October I managed to go to the gym again and I feel great. I'm having to take things slow as my back spasms have improved and I'm able to stand up better. Allowing me to get around more and push a little harder in the gym Thank GOD!
Still taking things very careful as apprehensive I'll end up with an injury and I can not afford anything to stop my trip to New York. But I'm very keen to loose more weight before my follow-up which I'm sure you all understand..
So whilst I'm enjoying my new found freedom I'm very aware and careful about everything my body does!
October 16th and a wonderful meal at Deb's, my sisters house for my fathers Birthday. It's nice to be able to sit at the table with the rest of the family and enjoy the time with all.

October 17th and really good to be able to get around allot more and see more friends. I feel my chains have been removed and am free again. When I'm house bound so much following such extensive Surgery it's always a little tough and once I'm driving again it's wonderful.............
October 18th and another great day to mark in my diary as I am filming again for my upcoming documentary to be aired on CH. 5. (Date to be confirmed, keep looking out on my Media Link for viewings)
I am really unable to express what today's filming means to me. I have been through far more than I ever imagined and I am so proud as are all my family members to know I am filming my return to the Gym and Swimming Pool.

I am naturally very, very excited about this but also feel embarrassed.
As any women will know whom struggle with a weight and image issue going swimming is an environment where we feel most venerable.
Before my Car accident you may be aware as explained on my home page I was an Advanced Swimming teacher for 18 years. And before my body lift and thigh lift surgery I would walk to the steps with a towel wrapped around me. I hated to show my legs due to the loose skin.......... following all the weight loss!
So the whole time whilst filming in the Gym I was thinking about how I was going to feel getting undressed and going in the Swimming Pool for the first time since my thigh lift surgery. Well I new I felt allot more confident as all that skin had been removed (15lbs) BUT I was now facing the physiological and some what emotional issues that followed such surgeries.........
The scars!!!
I have always known the scars are far better than what they replace, but I still have to deal with my body being again very different.................

My good friend Debra was with me for moral support, although she never swam on this occasion she was on the pool side for encouragement.
''Thanks Debra for your friendship and patience!''
This time I never wrapped the big ol' towel around my body, but did feel some what exposed for the first time in a non-medical environment!
As I climbed down the steps gradually lowering my body into the Swimming Pool I began to feel very emotional. This was the first time I didn't feel I had to rush and hide my body under the water. Although a little conscious due to my scars on my legs I felt some what more normal when it came to body shape and image.
Whilst I still have three surgeries to go through I know my body is far better than it was as I'm half the women I used to be. And as far as over all health, I'm allot fitter as not carrying around in excess of 6 stones of weight in loose skin which was engulfing my poor body and disabling me.........
The water felt fantastic and I was like a dolphin once again as my body cut through the water without even a splash.....
I felt like I was alive again for the first time in a long time.
I felt like I had been re-born!!!
A simply Awesome experience and feelings.
One more time and the feeling of freedom was short lived.
Today is the 20th October and I'm due at the hospital later to get my results from the Ultra-Sound I had last month. But first I have an appointment with my Nurse to check on my scar-line.
I'm unsure to what is happening, it's rather tender and very dry regardless of the amount of moisturising ointment I apply daily so need to just check it out.
Hope and pray it has nothing to do with the Swim???
My results were good the swelling at the back of my left thigh is not a Haematoma or a clot which is such good news and a relief to me. I shall need to establish my answer to why and what once I see my Surgeon on the 31st October in New York.
I feel so relieved I have arranged a gathering of all my personal assistants since my surgery to celebrate coming through this far and a fare well good luck drink before I head back for my follow-up in New York, USA.
My friend Sharon come over today Friday 21st October to help me with the food and drinks preparation.
The table looked spectacular and I just want to thank Sharon for her help and a special thanks to all my friends and helpers for there support to this vital six month post-op stage!
Friday 21st October and a lovely gathering of all whom helped me through my post-op phase with personal care needs. You guys no-doubt had a tough ride but your help has been outstanding to me, you know who you all are so THANK YOU all so very much........
I am still feeling very tired and exhausted for the smallest efforts at the moment. Guess this has just taken so very much out of me. I know this and am pushing myself still. I have my eye on the ball and visualise my finish line........
6th October and am having my hair done today before I fly to New York on the 28th October..........
28th October and 05.30am, my sister Deb has picked me up to take me to the Airport.
Not sure how to explain to you regarding how I feel, just taking one hour at a time really as have a few concerns about the trip and what the journey will take out of my body!
Everyone at the airport have been fantastic and a big thanks to Continental for the upgrade. Everyone in the First Class lounge where so kind to me and help to ease my fears.
I arrived in New York at 03.30pm and it was wonderful to see my good friends again whom are all part of my incredible journey and a great support network.
Even though I was having concerns how I would cope with the travel plans all went well without any hitches....
As soon as I arrived at the apartment I threw my case on my bed and was out within five minutes shopping.

Well what's a girl to do in New York!!! Hehehehe

The evening was spend over drinks with friends and once I returned to my apartment I slept really good. This was a relief to me as hadn't been sleeping too well leading up to my departure!
The next morning Saturday 28th October I was woken to a long knock on my door............ I just wanted to sleep!!!
Wow!............ It was my friend Ellen from Florida!
Fantastic to see her and we had a great girly day out.
More shopping and a wonderful lunch.......
I forgot for a while actually why I was in New York.
However the reality soon struck me once I was on my own that evening.........
I had plans on the Sunday 30th October with a wonderful friend Renee in New York. Renee has been an amazing support to me when I had my thigh lift back in April and I can't thank her enough!!!
We spent the day together, had a lovely lunch...........(not sure about my diet the last few days seems all I've done is eat!)
But I will add all the right things......................... Thank goodness, eh!
Renee's Husband and three wonderful daughters were all in a school production on stage that afternoon and it was a nice surprise to be invited and very enjoyable to go along. Thanks guys for getting me the ticket, even though I was very tied this sure was great and helped to take my mind off my appointment the very next day.
Since arriving in New York my feet really hadn't touched the ground.
This I guess was a good thing!
So Monday 31st October - Appointment day with my Surgeon........... Still my appointment wasn't till 2pm so I figured I had a few hours to shop after breakfast.
Yep! That's right I did say shop!

And a chance to catch a tan-bed........ Need to look as good as I can, right before I see the surgeon...........
My friend Renee was sitting waiting  for me when I turned up at the apartment, guess I got carried away with the shopping.
Just got in with enough time to shower and pick-up my list of questions I had prepared earlier as I headed out the door with Renee to go see my Surgeon.
The five minute drive was very quite. I said very little to Renee as I was with my own thought's. I was very pleased with the result so far from my thigh lift surgery but it's also fare to say I do have a few area's of concern and I was getting all my questions and thought's clear in my head.
We arrived at the surgeons office, the ride up in the elevator seemed to take for ever.
The wait was even longer.
I finally saw Dr Joseph Capella. It was wonderful to see him and his staff team again and I manage to express my feelings to him I feel very well. Just felt like I had one shot and wasn't going to hold back.
Dr Joseph Capella was very clear and understanding. I was some what upset when Dr Capella asked to see me again the following day............... Dr Capella required more time with me.
Whilst this upset me and I had another sleepless night to mull over this I guess it was a good thing as not many patience get a chance to see there surgeon again the very next day. At least through conversation with my friend Renee I soon realised it was actually a good opportunity and I was going to embrace it and get all I could out of this second appointment.
I kept telling myself that this was going to be a good thing as I was given another forum to ask any question that perhaps had developed following my first follow-up appointment and any thought's I had over night.................

September 2005

This month started more positive for me.

I was pleased to be physically able to go visit my nutritional specialist once again in London. Whilst I am still very swollen and coping with the tender swelling at the back of my left thigh I felt it was time for another touch-base with my diet and food.

When I stepped on the scale I felt good as the swelling whilst uncomfortable wasn't showing too bad with the number on the scales. My weight had reduced 15lbs since surgery, this being the redundant loose skin due to weight loss and training of my legs all over however I was still not able to tell how the surgery had effected my weight due to my severe swelling and post-op concerns.

I am pleased to be able to get back on track with my diet and a little gentle exercise, very gentle as you would notice if you saw me struggling at the gym!

I am able at this time to appreciate the difference at the medial thigh region but am saddened as I am still so very swollen.

This swelling all over my body is concerning me more and more as time is passing.

I am still in allot of pain and my spasms in my back are still slowing me down.

This does frustrate me although I appreciate the importance to take things slow at the moment.

I have a habit of just wanting things as immediate as possible. Mentally I'm pushing but my body needs more time to heal.

My Doctor and Nurse are very understanding to my situation and I appreciate all there support they are giving to me.

I woke up on the 4th September and I was feeling really unwell. My friend Debra called me and kept me talking on the phone until my personal assistant had arrived I felt like I was going to pass out. Within a short time my personal assistant had noticed a tremendous swelling and redness to my right arm. On a closer inspection to my arm I realised something was not right! My scar line along my previous arm lift surgery was red and very swollen and tender and I was experiencing deep muscular aches and my body was shaking and going in and out of hot and cold sweats.

I was given help to immediately call my Doctor and a emergency house visit was arranged.

I remember my Parents coming over and sitting with me for the day also as I was rather delirious at this point!

When the Doctor arrived he said I had a severe infection called Cellulites and I was put on two weeks of Anti-biotic and more pain killers.

This whole experienced has drained me and I feel very venerable and lacking in energy. I spent the next two weeks in bed and once again wasn't able to go the gym or swim. This hasn't helped my mood and I know it's just a short time evil to get to where I'm going!

I am pleased to announce I am no longer in need of the Nurses and personal assistance daily as I am now managing allot better independently. This is always a good feeling for me even though everything takes allot longer I'm proud to have my personal space back to myself.

My daily living is still very much taken up with post-op care and more hospital and specialist appointments.

But am fully aware that this long fight for improved health and body image is so worth everything I'm experiencing to date!

I know I'll get to my finish line it's just such a long journey for me and my long term resilience is really being put to the test.

My hairdresser came to visit to do my hair and this always makes me feel better.

Look out guys as I've gone a little blonde............He he he he

With my new hair and feeling more confident I went with a friend to another Plastic Surgery awareness presentation.

I do enjoy attending theses presentations as I always come away with a little more knowledge.

And I believe knowledge is power and I don't walk into any of my experiences without empowering myself first.

Sometimes I feel I have too much knowledge as this can scare me and when this happens I feel to be ignorant would be blissful but I choose to deal with my journey by staying on top and I always feel better if I know before hand what I'm about to experience!

Today is the 22nd September and I am going to my long awaited appointment at the local hospital for the Ultra-Sound of the back of my swollen left thigh. I do feel very apprehensive but as usual I am attacking this head on and know deep in my heart I will take onboard whatever this now means to me.

I am happy that my good friend Debra who is a great support to me is coming alone with me, so that's good.

Once again my good friend and healer appeared when I most needed her, and had a lovely bunch of white roses for me to signify a new beginning. This was a very powerful moment to me as I was praying that all was going to work out Ok for me.

Today the 28th September I have just returned from visiting my nutritionalist again .Although I'm not feeling too great as I have gained 6lbs. My swelling is continuing to alarm me so I am planning to speak with my Surgeon in New York Dr Joseph Capella and arrange to visit my Surgeon Dr Alex Karidis in Harley Street, London.

Whilst I am waiting to speak to my team of surgeons I'm feeling the need to do something that is nice for me and will help to pick-up my moral. As I am feeling the strain as this is far from easy.

I have decided to visit a top Harley Street Cosmetic Dentist and treat myself to having my teeth treated with the American Zoom Whitening System!!!

This is something I have always promised myself for when my journey of Body Reconstruction was finished.

The truth be known I feel I need the treat now in the hope it will help keep my focus as I still have a lot to deal with regarding my health and future surgeries.

So for the first time I'm cheating! I'm sure I will be forgiven. He he he he he

August 2005

This month started with a very emotional and amazing celebration. My friend Dawn and I promised to open a very special bottle of wine which she had picked up in France before my surgery. I remember chatting over a cup of
coffee about how amazing it will be to return following my thigh lift; the opening of the bottle of wine at that time seemed so far away and would signify I had come through another big surgery.

There is a special friendship I have with a number of my friends whom are always there for me. Dawn helped me through a very difficult year before my thigh lift whilst I was still healing from my body lift. The surgeon who carried out my body lift became gravely sick and I had to search the world for another surgeon with equal skills to finish what had been started. She was very supportive and understanding of the situation that I found myself in and was visiting me when I received news of my surgeon’s condition via email.

I will never forget the continued support from family members and friends constantly reminding me how strong I am even if at the time I didn't’t feel it.

So…I'm pleased to tell you that we did open that bottle of wine and I was overwhelmed with the feelings... I remembered thinking what I needed to experience and go through before Dawn and I would be smiling over that glass of wine.

We were smiling and for me, the one glass was more than enough as I don't drink, but we had to mark the celebration of finally being the other side of this surgery.

When my carer arrived that evening to assist me with personal care requirements and the creaming of my scars she was amused that I’d had a glass of wine, was very happy and I was feeling much better than I had been
recently.

Although far from complete I was relieved that I had come this far and now three and a half months post-op.

My joys were to be short lived as I was now experiencing more wound break down; areas of my scar line were re-opening a little. This has been extremely tormenting for me as all I want to be able to do is get back into the gym and swim once again to continue my weight loss journey. Swimming is a part of who I am and I've really been missing it as I always do following a surgery.

My mood has become quite low as I continue to struggle with the back spasms and my swelling due to my lymphatic drainage problems.

I had a visit from a very special soul on this planet and that was from one of my hands on healers. This wonderful lady has been with me since the start of my amazing journey of surgeries. I have been privileged to have known this person for three and a half years now and whenever things are extra difficult she always turns up and is here for me and I can't express my thanks to her and all whom walk by my side throughout.

I haven't been able to do much filming due to my healing and post-op concerns and I was pleased to be able to do some more filming today - 10th August 2005.

It has been good to see the production team again as they are helping me a lot to reach YOU!

I have become aware of a swelling at the back of my left thigh; this has become rather painful, hot and swollen. After a few appointments with my doctor and regular email and telephone conversations with my surgeon in New York it has been decided that I am in need of an urgent ultrasound as a haematoma has been suspected. This has once again set me back but I understand that this is something out of my control and needs to be tended to.

Despite this setback I am determined to continue moving forward and enjoy my life the best I can.

Today, the 30th August 2005, I enjoyed lunch with two friends Lorraine and Linda. Despite the fact I was struggling I had a nice time, it was good to be out and part of the real world once again.

My friends in America are continuing to be a great support to me as the phone calls and emails are coming in and it always lifts my spirit to know these wonderful friends are thinking of me.

You know who you are guys and my thanks to you just can’t express what your input means to me. For me to get through this knowing your love, support and understanding is there means the world to me, Cheers!
 

July 2005

This has proved to be another month of ups and downs for me.

I still am unable to do much around the home independently; carers are visiting every morning and evening to help me with my personal care needs and domestic duties along with scar management.

When I look at my scars running down my legs it's hard to accept, sure I understand they’re better than what they have replaced - 15lbs of skin it's just an adjustment that I appreciate will take some time. As time is passing the scars are improving so with gentle love and care I pray they will hardly notice. These are my war wounds and my victory signs…

The nurses now visit only twice a week, which shows I'm continuing to improve and that naturally pleases me greatly.

The best news is that my wound break down has now healed and I'm really looking forward to getting the all clear to go swimming again. I really miss my daily swim and long to return. I feel like a fish out of water at this point.

In the meantime I have returned to the gym - 12th July - to do very gentle upper body exercises but don't truly feel ready to push things any further yet! I would like to thank all the guys at the gym whom are all encouraging me. Thanks, it's real scary to put my body through the paces but I know I have to do it and every day I pray will be easier and I hope less painful.

I was dreaming of that treadmill so now I'm back on it; well, after a fashion…

I have now become aware that my thigh lift has caused me some rather unhappy post-op concerns. I have a ‘pull’ at the front of my abdomen which is so tight that it has been causing me posture problems and putting additional strain on my back. The result is my back has been going in and out of muscle spasms. This has slowed my healing up and put a stop to my light training in the gym. My doctor, who is very supportive, has put me on very strong muscle relaxants but, for the time being, going to the gym or even my regular motivational walks around the block with my friends is not possible.

This is undoubtedly another big struggle I'm faced with in my post-op healing as I have yet again become a prisoner within my own walls, as am house bound again at this time. I pray to stay strong but, to make things even harder I'm also facing a post-op lymphatic drainage problem. The result means my body has become very swollen and saddens me to a level I can hardly put into words. Despite all this, I'm staying positive and am already trying to put things back on the right path.

I've been to see a local plastic surgeon who recognises the big improvement that my thigh lift has given me but also shares my concerns regarding the tightness of the pull at the front of me. As a result, I'm now resigned to the probability of needing further reconstructive corrective surgery. This is not what I wanted; however, I also understand due to the enormity of the surgery it's not common to be able to have the desired finished
result in one attempt. Let's face it; I required follow-up reconstructive work after my body lift so I guess I shall have to accept that I’ll need some finishing touches to my legs.

I feel I have accepted this now but it wasn't easy to come to terms with. It's so not what I wanted but I know that winners don't quit and quitters don't win!

I definitely haven't come this far to give up early - so please keep watching this space!!!
 

June 2005

This has proved to be a rather mixed month for me. I've started to do some things for the first time since my surgery; my sister Deborah accompanied me on my first proper walk with the aid of my walking frame which was an amazing feeling and I have now started to walk around the block with my good friends, Deb, Dawn and Sharon. This walk is a quarter of a mile which feels like nothing under normal circumstances but remembering
that I'm post-op I'm thrilled with it.

The walk with my friends makes me feel somewhat independent as I had been house bound up to this point. I felt like I was out on probation as I am unable to go out at this time on my own, it's a wonderful feeling to feel the air and sunshine on my face, I even made a daisy chain with my friend Deb. This was hard as I remember trying to stretch to reach the daisies; I actually picked all the really tall ones so I guess you could say I was
cheating!

All this felt like I had escaped out of my cell as I had been so confined for so long following my surgery and now I was beginning slowly to rock-n-roll - a totally awesome feeling. I felt alive!

The nurses are now also coming to treat me every other day, which reflects some good improvement, and the carers are continuing to visit me twice a day. However, I am still in a lot of pain and discomfort. I've wanted to do so much but I haven't been able to simply because my body won't allow me to. I haven't been able to sit at my computer due to wound break down which has meant I've been missing out on communication with my
friends and the world. Even so, I've been getting my emails printed off which has given me the chance to read all the great messages of support. The emails are so touching they have made me cry, although it's happy tears!!!

At the moment all these emails are really keeping me going - so please keep them coming…

Thanks for putting wind back in my sail at this very challenging time. It's really nice to be able to catch up on British TV - Eastenders!!! I have been getting lots of visitors too which is fantastic, however I do get exhausted quickly and I have needed to schedule friends and family so I don't get too tired.

Thanks to all who have been visiting and I mean this deeply as you have all given me so much to help me to keep moving forward.

You all know who you are - A BIG THANKS GUYS!
 

May 2005

I flew home from New York May 10th on an overnight flight. Whilst I was very anxious about the flight I also knew I just had to bite the bullet to make the journey home in the condition I was in. My sister Deborah and I high-fived each other with every hour that passed. The feeling with each high-five was of relief as it meant I had got through another hour of this incredibly painful journey home.

The crew on my flight with British Airways were all so very helpful and understanding and I can't thank them enough. I would like to extend a special thanks to Gillian, one of the lovely cabin crew. Thank you for contacting me and lighting a candle for me. Support of this kind goes along way on my journey.

As soon as we landed I was in emotional turmoil. I find it hard to express what that touch down felt to me, mixed emotions and the memories of what I, and my body, had yet again been through.

The airline staff transferred me into the ambulance and every bump we went over on the way to the terminal was agony, I was in tears. To then see my sister Maria and friends was truly momentous. I'll never forget the joy I felt inside. I was back on British soil and I had survived the surgery. I had finally returned home safely.

The drive from the airport was challenging. Once I arrived back home I faced another challenge; climbing the one flight of stairs to my flat, which was far more difficult than I thought. I had been thinking about how I would cope with this since before I left New York, thank God I managed it in the end.

As soon as I walked through my front door it felt wonderful to be back home and to see my mother and father again. I was so very relieved, exhausted and extremely overwhelmed because my flat was full with family and friends.

By the end of the month the feeling of long haul recovery had become a realisation to me and the feelings of what this now meant to me had set in. I remembered these feelings well as I had been here many times before. I was concerned that I wasn’t going to be able to find the strength that I required as the surgery and the flight had taken so much out of me. I felt like I had very little energy left in my reserves. However, I knew what was needed and I continued to dig deep inside to find the strength again.

District nurses from my doctor’s practice started to visit me daily to begin with and carers were coming into me twice a day. I found this very exhausting and intrusive although just another stage of my journey and I would like to thank them all for their dedication. I got the feeling they were also learning as well … after all, they haven't seen anything quite like this before!

At this time the only thing I can do is to lie on my bed from morning 'til night with my legs elevated on a very large pile of pillows. I wasn't even able to get into the bed as the weight of the duvet on my very bruised and swollen legs was too much for me to bear.

I'd like to say a very big thank you once again to all my family members and friends for their support - I couldn't have got this far without you.

April 2005

It's now three days since my operation and I'm happy to let you all know that I've come through it. 

On operation day, I turned up at 5am feeling excited but very very nervous.  I quickly became horrified, as my blood pressure proved too high for me to be able to have the operation.  I had to lie in a quiet room, willing it to come down.  Thankfully it did.  This thigh lift has been fraught with cancellations and problems.  I started to feel I'm still nowhere near my finish line yet.

When I got the final green light for surgery, the nerves came back. 101 trips to the bathroom were required.  Everything seemed to happen so fast. 

Before I knew it, I was stepping off the gurney walking into theatre.  I was absolutely terrified. In my heart, I knew I was doing the right thing, but my previous surgical experiences meant I knew how I was going to feel when I woke up.   Almost as bad as the immense pain is the inability to move or do anything for yourself.  I hate being so dependent on other people. 

But I'm on the other side now and I have to rock 'n' roll with the healing.  This, as before, isn't proving easy.  And it's definitely harder than I thought it was going to be.

I had my bandages removed for the first time today and caught my first sight of my 'new' legs.  This was a very emotional moment.  Joy - that the contour of my leg was greatly improved, but sadness, as I found the incisions quite horrendous.

My sister Debbie is proving once again to be my living angel.  I'm looking forward to seeing all my family and friends again.  Thank you for your support.  Please keep the messages coming.

As days pass into months, I can't wait to get back to the gym.  I'm dreaming of that treadmill ...